Monday, 24 April 2017
Today was my original due date and it's crazy to think that my baby girl arrived over a month ago now! Although I'm basically healed from the after birth portion, I'm still recovering from the HG side of things; as some foods and smells I'm getting re-accustomed to and some I won't ever be able to tolerate again! The multiple scars on my body, some I may have for life and the severity of my weight loss. It'll take three years, a far cry from the 6 weeks doctors usually give for a non-cesarean birth *sigh* This is my second time around and although I've experienced some things with this disease previously, this pregnancy was a lot harder even the last weeks and the delivery were very traumatic!
As most of you know after Tionne was born she immediately was rushed to the NICU at Sick Kids due to her being a preemie but she also had a condition that made it very difficult for her to breath. She not only made it through the night, which most of the medical staff weren't sure if she would make it that first night, she fought for 17 days total. Due to a complication with her lungs (which surgery could not fix) we sadly had to say goodbye. She is now at peace but naturally life will never be the same and our family would love nothing more than to have her here in the physical!
Most look at us and say how sad you only had your youngest daughter for just a little over two weeks and never got to bring her home. The truth is she was home for a whole 8 months prior to that. We spent Xmas together last year, Mr Specyal's cake day before that, my cake day and even my oldest daughter's as we were all in Jamaica then - although no one believed I was in fact pregnant yet lol. The point I'm making here is she was very much alive, yes unborn but alive none-the- less. We all developed personal relationships with her. Watching her older sis interact with her and how she would always respond to her, they actually would dance together a memory I will cherish for always!
Unfortunately there are still a lot of questions surrounding Tionne's condition and why exactly all this happened. My other half and I have continually done research and signs are fully pointing towards there being a direct link to HG. We have become strong advocates to help raise awareness because currently there still is not a test to detect it and there is no cure! Most people really don't understand that if you're planning on starting or expanding your family, whether this will be your first child or not, HG does not discriminate. It truly does not care what you have already gone through, no one is immune! Only about 2% of women in Canada will experience this and I, the Specyal one that I am, hit the HG lottery twice! Doctor's have told me there are contributing factors that could help in being a non-official way to see if you could be at risk. It's hereditary your mother also suffered from it, or your own health isn't very good and could be a factor. Both of these categories I did not fall under and still had back to back times with it. *Insert shock face here!*
With going through this experience again and after seeing not only family and friends and friends of friends still being so unaware and naive to this condition but also medical professionals not even really listening most of the time. Throwing some drugs at it like a quick fix, I decided I need to speak up in a more profound way. My next release (which I'm working on currently) is going to be an EP entitled "Tionne" and I actually started writing it when I was 7 + months along. I was having extreme pain in my uterus which was not normal by any means and it was becoming increasingly hard to breath. This lasted up to and through delivery (two liters of fluid came out of me before the pressure came down and she came out; again not normal) I figured it would be cool to have most of the album written during the experience and then with the final song coming after her birth. As fate would have it I ended up only getting two written as she came very early. Not only is this an EP telling the story of my 2nd pregnancy specifically and what my family has gone through but also the life of an HG mom and family in general. Not enough of us fully speak up about it and if so maybe only to close friends / family or other HG families as it's more comfortable with no judgement passed.
With only 17 days on the earth, Tionne has touched so many lives, she's brought us into contact with people that we'll love, respect and cherish for life! Although so young, she showed such a maturity in her strength and perseverance. She definitely was an angel on earth and I'm so very thankful and blessed to have been chosen to be her mom! Tionne I Love You For Always ♥